Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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