Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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