I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
