haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
