god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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