I wish I could punch you in the face.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
