it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I will pee on everything he values.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
