I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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