ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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