I'm lost and stupid without you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
