so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
