Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
