You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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