I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
