Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
