it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
