I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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