I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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