I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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