i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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