she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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