So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
