Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
