Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
