When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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