At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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