like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
