i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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