I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
