Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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