Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
