i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
