Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
