Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
