Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
