just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
