We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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