Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
