Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
