Kiss
Puke
You're my little dorito
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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