Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
