I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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