You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
