Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
