I'm jealous of your bromance
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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