I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
