proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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