Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
