6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
