She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
