and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
