my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
